We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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