yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
