bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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