I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
