just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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