38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
