I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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