I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
