Umm I'm too high to move.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
