I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
