Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
