i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
