We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
