Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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