can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
