So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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