I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's blow job season.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
