My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They took my balls.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
