Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize