HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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