Are we in a gay sports bar?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
