Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
