It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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