Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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