Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
