So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
