He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
