the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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