What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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