apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize