im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
