$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
