I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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