my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
