I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
