There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
