Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
