i barfeds in our rink
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
