So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
