never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
