I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dicks are not precious.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
