That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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