Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
