I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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