I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
