I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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