they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
