So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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