I am puke
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize