I wanna bring you to show and tell
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everclear isn't food dammit
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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