I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
