xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
