Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
