Already got asked if we're dating
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
