he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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