ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
that's an acceptable place to lick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
