I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
