I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize