grandma shit on top of the toilet
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
