We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
