If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's blow job season.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
