I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I love you.
Bad choice
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
