Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
