I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
