God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
