i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
