from now on my penis is your penis
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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