Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They took my balls.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
