She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
