Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
