What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we made out on top of his cat.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My vagina is officially offended.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
