how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
