In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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