I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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