I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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