And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
