I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
