she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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