I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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