Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
