Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Everything about him screamed your future.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
