Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
