I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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