Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
