If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
