I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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