he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i think i just lost a toe
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
