I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
