Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
love makes seman taste better
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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