Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
