I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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