I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
