I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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