she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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