forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize