My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
