You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
