I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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