I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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